Our mind is more powerful than we might think. If our thoughts are negative or we give in to feelings of insecurity, this will be reflected in our behavioral pattern. Basically, we will end up believing these thoughts, even though they might not have too much to do with reality. If you are insecure all the time, this will have a negative impact on your relationship. You will go from one breakup to the other, following the same negative pattern. The good news is that it is possible to overcome these feelings of insecurity and actually change your negative relationship patterns.
#1 Take Your Time To Change
For us, as humans, the feelings of security are essential to our well-being. Whenever one feels insecure, the tendency is to eliminate the factor(s) responsible for such matters. Often times, we want to get out of a relationship, simply because we find it impossible to overcome such feelings and we understand that we have begun to follow a negative pattern. So, even if the partner is not so much to blame, we still consider him/her to be the main culprit. We push that person away, thinking that once again we have found ourselves in a relationship that was not good for us.
The solution to this pattern of behavior is change. You need to be aware of the fact that your partner is not the one to blame for your feelings of insecurity (or, at least, not the only one). It is for the best to talk about the things you are going through and see which are the factors that contributed to these feelings in the first place. Do not push your partner away but rather ask him/her to be the person holding your hand, while you try to change your perspective over the relationship in question.
#2 Communication Is A Two-Way Street
If you are in a relationship, you cannot think only about yourself. You need to pay attention to your partner as well, listening to the way he/she feels and the feelings of insecurity he/she is dealing with. Communication is a two-way street, and many relationships fail because partners are unwilling to hear one another. You need to take an interest and try to see things from his/her perspective; interestingly enough, this might help you better understand, where your own feelings of insecurity are coming from.
Most people are self-centered, even when they are in a relationship. They spend too much time focusing on the way they feel, without even considering their partner and his/her feelings. If you want to change your relationship and avoid negative patterns, start listening to your partner. Discuss openly your feelings of insecurity, and you might have a surprise, in finding out that they are caused by similar factors. Keep in mind that avoidance is never a good way to deal with a relationship, especially when you hit a rough patch. Open communication tops everything.
#3 Assumptions Are More Hurtful Than You Might Imagine
If you assume that you know what your partner needs or feels, you are making a big mistake. Moreover, when you see that, in reality, things are actually different, you will only end up feeling even more insecure. Assumptions hurt both you and your partner, leading to a downward spiral and to hurtful breakups. So, instead of making assumptions, you need to talk to your partner and ask him/her how he/she really feels. This will open the gates of communication, helping you both feel better about the state of your relationship.
Your own feelings of insecurity can trigger a pattern of behavior that is not healthy for your relationships. You might jump to conclusions, telling your partner how he/she is feelings or what he/she is thinking. Your partner will probably react in a defensive manner, and this will only make the distance between the two of you worse. If you want to avoid such problems, you need to ask questions. How are you feeling? What do you think about that? What is your perspective on the matter? Seeing that you are interested in his/her own feelings, your partner will respond, and you might be able to improve your relationship, avoiding negative patterns of behavior.
No one is perfect and, as a general rule, relationships take a lot of work. The most important thing is that you do not quit and fight to overcome your own feelings of insecurity. At the same time, it is very important to communicate openly with your partner and see how he/she actually feels. He/she might be dealing with the same feelings of insecurity, and it is always for the best to get things out in the open so that you can eliminate negative relationship patterns and enjoy one another.